it has been two years since you left us. Little did I know then that I would be writing, not only to you, but to your sister, Angela, who left us on April 12, 2007, as well.
It is a beautiful sunny day and I am not allowing the darkness from losing the two of you to obscure the sun. But regardless, I miss you both so much. I am still trying to come to terms with this realization, but it is difficult. The one thought that does sustain me is that the two of you are together and perhaps better friends than you were when here in this realm. Angela, I would have so liked being able to penetrate the cocoon in which you placed yourself, but it wasn't to be until, I believe, when I called you in the hospital and even though you were unable to respond due to the tubes and ventilator helping you to breath, the nurse very kindly placed the phone next to your ear and for five minutes I was able to tell you that I loved you. That I was only 18 when you were born and that we were the best little friends for three years until Shawn was born and then the others one after the other. And due to nothing more than necessity from a lack of time, you grew apart from me. I am able to understand that but I was and am very sorry that it happened in the way that it did. But I was so happy to be able to tell you these things just 14 hours before you left us. You ask Carmen if I had called because you weren't sure if you had dreamt it or it had actually happened. She said, yes, I had called you and you wanted to know what I said...she told you and she said that you laid your head back on the pillow, closed your eyes and smiled. That, my dear little Angela, was all I needed to know that finally the bridge had been gapped and once again, we were friends. I think of you and Shawn, the two oldest of the five of you and I no longer ask why but I do miss you both tremendously. You were my first born, Angela, and the light of my life which is something that stays with me even though you are gone. Just know, the both of you, that I and your sisters still love you very much and miss you even though as we try to understand through our tears that you both are in a better place and are far happier where you are now.
So, on this day the 2nd anniversary of Shawn's leaving, I just wanted the both of you to know my thoughts. I pray for you both and yes, I am still looking for a sign that will tell me that you two are smiling and glad to be where you are.
I love you both...
Your Mama
