Shawn, to tell you that it is said "Good things many times come from bad things happening"...Well, I met, in chat last night, some of the wittiest and fun people I've talked with in a long time. One of them I had known from a previous chat. And I just wanted you to know that without this blog for you I wouldn't have met them. So, Shawn, thank you.
By the way, was that you last night making the candle flame dance so crazily when there wasn't a breath of air stirring??
I love you,
your Mama

your birthday came and went as well as Don's anniversary. I made it through and it was somewhat easier this time (if one may use the word 'easy' with such happenings.) It really has been a long time since I ventured back here to connect with you. But you know how my life goes, always something! Altho' the main reason for this post is to let you know that I have learned (become) very grateful that you and Don were in my life for the time that you were. It has eased so much pain for me to be able to grasp that and hold on to it.
Now it's just a question of slogging through each day trying to take care of all the things that break, quit working, need doing. ad infinitum, ad nauseam. I tried to put a picture of me at your marker on here but for some reason it wouldn't work. Anyway, it's very nice and has the 'lion laying down with the lamb' etched on it. So befitting of you, Shawn. We went to Baldinis last week but I won't go back, they've changed and are getting rid of 'our' favorite machines for those goofy things with zig zag lines that run across the screen and has you looking cross-eyed trying to determine what happened. As you said, they are trying to be like 'uptown' but aren't gonna make it!
So, there is a lot I could write about but this is enough for now. Just wanted you to know that you're in our hearts and minds. Carolyn, in particular, is still having a difficult time with you being gone...now she doesn't have her bro to have a few with and talk about your Mom....LOL But she has some things to learn, as we know, and the major one is, that God does exist, in every flower, every raindrop, and every thing of beauty. I'm afraid tho' that the world has gone bonkers on Him and He has a lot of 'straightening up' to do. Like restoring courtesy, cleaning up all the 'muck' that is running rampage out there, and just creating (all over again) a place of beauty, serenity and honesty. Would that it could be so.
Goodnite Shawnie,
I love you,
Mom

a long message and as I was previewing it I lost the whole thing...so, I'll write again another time, Shawn honey.
I love you.
Your Mama

I was finally able to get over to Fernley and see your marker. It is beautiful and Ruth had the etching of the Lion laying down with the Lamb, signifying peace for you...at last. So befitting and a wise choice by her. I took roses and put them in the vase that is there. It is such a lovely serene place, where you are and I felt that you are content with your 'life' now, at last. I suppose it could be said that, only in death are you content in life. Life was such a struggle for you, but you would just 'get back up on your horse' and ride again. Finally God decided you needed to come home and so you did. I keep waiting, watching, listening for something from you...Ruth hears the truck every so often and Roper seems to know that it's you also. I'm waiting for some sign - and eventually I know it will come. Or maybe I'm not listening hard enough but I'm trying. For some reason I have been having, what the Dr. refers to as 'extreme anxiety' attacks. A first for me and the very first one came shortly after you called me in early May, 2005, to tell me you finally had peace and contentment in your life for the first time. I believe that I 'knew' what was in the offing and rather than acknowledge it allowed a panic attack to occur...all unconsciously, of course. There have been about 5 of them since and they really are debilitating as well as frightful, I am almost unable to function when they come over me. I think that's why I may need some sign from you, something that quells these awful attacks. In the meantime I just try and struggle through them but it is difficult. At least now when someone tells me they have had a panic attack, I can relate. Prior to that I wasn't sure what they were. So the main reason for this message is just for you to know that I did go and see 'you' and it was as if 'you' were making it happen because it was a spontaneous thing, not planned at all.
So, goodnight my little Shawnie...I still miss you but I am trying to learn and overcome the deep sadness that prevails. I shall write again when there is - hopefully - some 'good' news to relay to you.
I love you,
Your Mama

that shortly after you left, I ordered a personalized license plate. It is in memory of you....the money goes to fund children's playgrounds and because you had no children, it's in your honor. There is also a star right before my name and it represents you!
The weather has turned quite chilly but is supposed to warm up for the next few days. For my birthday, Carmen sent me a Spudnut wrapped in plastic...I just received it today, and believe it or not, it's still good, squished, but good! My birthday was the 14th (which you could not ever remember) and because you also could not remember my age (you always said, how old are you? 52.) We'll just leave it at that
Carolyn was just hired as Production Director at one of the largest radio stations in Sac. It's the one I listen to KYMX and I predicted several years ago that is where she would be...and so it has come to pass. She's very good and her on air voice is terrific, I've told her that she and Diane Sawyer are the only two female voices I can tolerate.
Carmen and Mark are doing great with their Spudnut shop, more than they even envisioned, they work hard, put in a lot of hours but so far, it is paying off for them. I just pray that the good Lord continues to guide them.
Bob, my chiropractor, came over and got both the 1968 Tempest and the '77 Bonneville for his 2 sons, Chase and Bryce, so they are gonna' be wide trackin' with Pontiac. Bob, as you know, has long been my friend and the best chiropractor this side of the Mississippi. Meagan and Shane are coming today to rake more pine needles. Meagan said that I needed fewer pine trees. She's funny.
Well my dear Shawn, this brings you up to date with the 'goings on' around here...I just wish that you were 'around here' but God had different plans for you. I do miss you...and pray for you,but I do know that where you are is bound to be better than here.
I love you Shawnie,
Your Mama