Once more it has been a while since I have written to you but I haven't been feeling well and, as usual, the house is taking more time and money. I think of you so much and so often and pray for you and I know now that you really are happier where you now reside.
Winter will be coming on soon and I don't really look forward to it just as you didn't when you were here. Kas and I have been in contact, he has grown so much since I last 'knew' him and it is very sad the way his Mother and sisters treat him. He retired from Rocky Flats and now drives a truck, just as you did. He told me that when he was in Viet Nam his Mother (your Aunt Carolyn) did not ever write him or contact him, I couldn't believe that she would do such a thing. I remember when you were in the army we were in contact always and I cannot imagine having not been. I asked him if he would like to come here for a while and then we both won't feel so alone. He is giving it thought, as he said, there is nothing in Denver for him. Meagan just called - she and her boyfriend, Shane, are coming today to rake pine needles for me. He is very nice and they seem to do well together. So, this will be short but I just want you to know that you are not ever very far from my mind and heart and I shall write again soon.
I love you,
Your Mama

Hello my dear Shawn....It's been a little while since I last wrote to you, so many things keep happening. I have discovered that I don't own this house, it owns me! I was thinking of the time when Robert was building a deck on the back and didn't know what the heck he was doing. I called you and ask you to come and 'bail' me out - over the hill you came and built it from scratch and it is beautiful still! You knew how to do so many things (except for the curtain rod in my bedroom...lol) Carolyn and Carmen laughed when they saw it.
I received an e-mail from your cousin, Kas, a first - but he had written to Aunt Mary and sent his condolences, after all, you two had known one another since you were babies. He called you Shawn Gottardi and that took me back a bit. It seemed so right.
Ruth is having a very difficult time...maybe you could intervene and help her situation. Her health (just as you always predicted) is not good and I worry about her.
With all that is going on in the mideast, I wish you were here to explain it clearly, you knew the whole story and always said, for years, that would be where the next war would happen. As usual, you were on target. I imagine you are watching it all and just 'shaking your head' in wonderment about why this is happening. You were so wise in your knowledge of God and man. I guess that's why he took you home because you had seen enough of this world and needed to go home for more lessons to be able to come back and help mankind.
I still listen to "He ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" and cry. No, you weren't heavy, Shawn...with one exception...to yourself!
It's time to bake another batch of my cookies but with this heat I don't know if it's a wise thing to do.
I pray for you so often and just enjoy the memory of you, that's about all that I can do with the exception of writing to you which in some small way helps me to understand why you are gone.
Until next time,
I love you,
Your Mama

I am planting in your memory. I have surrounded myself with a gorgeous array of color and I think of you. Yes, you were colorful to say the least! I still remember some of your stories and laugh. Like the time you were over near Big Sur at night and you were hungry and spotted a huge strawberry patch. You proceeded to help yourself and shots rang out. You ran like a turkey, the strawberry farmer was shooting at you!! Yep, you were one lovable, nutty character and your escapades would make a wonderful book, it would be both sad and hilarious at one and the same time. Next time I'll tell of your adventure when you were in Hawaii. I found the box of shells you sent me when you were in the Marshall Islands and I treasure them. You dove for them and sent them to me 'right out of the ocean' they are finger shells that still had the dead marine life in them...ohhh, the smell, but you told me to bury them and the ants would clean them out. You were correct, for the most part. They are still in the bowl with all my shells, sand dollars, little seahorses and all the rest sitting on the table in the living room.
Your sister, Carmen, and Mark opened a Spudnut shop (donuts made with potato flour) in Arvada last month and are doing wonderfully well. Carmen felt the 'nudge' you gave her. I am going to have the certificate of appreciation for you having served your country,signed by George W. Bush, framed -and Carmen is going to hang it on the wall of the shop with your picture.
It's late so I am going to bed but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and every time I look out my window and see all of those lovely flowers, I think of you.
I love you,
Your Mama

It has been one year on this date that I heard the heartbreaking message that you were gone. I have not been able to write this until now because the pain has been just too deep. It is also Memorial Day, as if I need a 'day' to remind me of your leaving us. I shall not ever 'get over it'- I shall only 'get through it'. Your Aunt Catherine, my sister, is in the hospital in Denver and she is dying. Now Shawnie, I know that the good Lord does not give us more than we are able to handle but sometimes, Shawn, just sometimes, it does become heavy and this is one of those times. Ruth said she and Roper went to visit you today, I wish I could have been there as well. But it has become cold, windy and rainy...the kind of weather you and I don't like. I hope the sun is shining and warm where you are and that's how I picture it. I still think that one day the phone will ring and I'll answer and hear you say, "Hi Mom"- or I'll look over and see you standing there with that cute elfin-like grin but I really know better, at least logically I do. But I have found that logic doesn't always fit the circumstance. There's just a huge empty hole within that will be there until the day when once again I'll see you, maybe not in physical form but spiritually we'll be together. And so, I end this with many tears and a strong prayer for you and with thoughts of you in a better place than here.
I love you,
Your Mama

When we lived in Grand Junction, CO and you were two and a half
years old, Halloween happened. Your Dad and I cut holes in a paper sack, for eyes, nose and mouth, then colored it. We put it on you and explained that when you knocked on the door and said "Trick or Treat" the lady would give you some candy. (You weren't too danged sure about the prospects and you could not figure out why you had to 'wear' that dumb paper sack.) So, your Dad took you across the street and you knocked on the door...when the lady came and opened it, you stepped inside, pulled that sack off your head and said, "Give me some candy". I happened to be thinking of that the other night and actually started chuckling at the memory. So I wrote it to Ruth and she answered and said she remembers funny things too, mainly through the grandkids, she said they seemed to understand you better than we 'big' people did. She's very correct. Kids and dogs both loved you and once again - you know what W.C. Fields said about that!!
We finally have sunshine and spring, my roses are blooming and I just planted a special one in the planter you put up on the wall of the house. It is beautiful...just as you were Shawn. I still miss you and cannot even begin to know what happened to this (almost year) since you've been gone. But I listen to the song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" that Carolyn played at the end of your service - and I shed some tears for both because you're gone and - I think to a better place than here.
I love you,
Your Mama